


Not Even a Little Bit

by juniorstarcatcher



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) Fusion, Alternate Universe - College/University, College, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-21 22:34:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14924138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juniorstarcatcher/pseuds/juniorstarcatcher
Summary: Struggling to make ends meet, Rey accepts a simple job. Well, it seems simple at the start. All she has to do is make Ben Solo go on a date with her, and the money she needs to afford her college tuition is hers.But she didn't count on the prickly Ben Solo opening himself up to her. And she didn't count on falling for him, either.A Reylo/10 Things I Hate About You College AU





	1. Chapter One

_What if I were Romeo in black jeans?_

_What if I was Heathcliff?_

_It's no myth._

_Maybe she's just looking for someone to dance with._

* * *

 

 

Rey really wanted to care about the drunk guy in the back of her Uber. Really, she did. He seemed nice enough. But in all of her six weeks of driving drunk kids in her beat-up Honda around her small college town, she’d learned two things: 

One: never get invested in or attached to the customers.  
Two: drunk guys never tip.

She had a difficult time caring about anyone who didn’t tip. But at least this guy—Finn, his name was, according to the driver’s app—would entertain her for the rest of their ride.

 “And do you know the worst part?” He slurred, collapsing across the backseat as she made a right turn, his body as limp as a drunken, steamed asparagus.

“No,” She humored him, keeping a weary eye on his wavering form just in case he smashed his head into the window or unloaded the contents of his surely rioting stomach all over her car. “What’s the worst part?”

“He’s just so beautiful. He’s so beautiful and so wonderful and I think he could really love me. We could be like that movie.”

With all her heart, she wanted to believe him. And he looked sincere enough, all wide eyes and passion. She wanted to believe a love like that was real. But she’d seen too many Saturday night drunken break-ups. She’d seen her own parents run away from each other before running away from her. With all of that life experience, she couldn’t possibly believe in a love the likes of which shone in Finn’s eyes, no matter how much she wanted to.

“Which one movie is that?” 

“The one, you know the one.” He snapped, trying to yank the name from his drunken brain. “That movie with the British lady.”

“ _Pride and Prejudice."_  

“No, the other one.”

“ _Love Actually_." 

“No." 

“ _Bridget Jones_?”

_Dear God, please remember it soon because my knowledge of British rom-coms is absolutely about to run out._

“No…” Leaning all of his weight into the right corner of the backseat, he smashed his palm against his forehead before an epiphany struck. “The one with the wands.”

Rey turned down the radio and furrowed her brow. Surely, she hadn’t heard him right. Last time she checked, J.K. Rowling hadn’t written any romance novels and the movies weren’t any better in that regard.

“Harry Potter?" 

“Yeah. Harry Proper. The one where the British lady and that redhead are just waving goodbye—goodbye—” He sniffled. For the sake of his dignity, she didn’t check to see if he was crying over this. “Goodbye to their little babies.”

“So…” Dragging out the ‘o’ sound, she gave him a moment to recover. “You think this man could be your Ron Weasley." 

“Exactly.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“Poe’s mom is the dean of the university.”

“Oh.” She paused and tried to understand the logic, to no avail. “No, I still don’t see the problem.” 

“His mom’s the dean of the university and his brother… Pfft. His brother is just… Wow. The worst, you know?”

When she realized the _you know_ wasn’t a vocal tick, but an actual question, she had to shake her head. She knew about Dean Leia Organa-Solo. As a figure in town, she loomed high over not only the university she ruled, but also everything else. Everyone knew of her. But Rey didn’t know anything about her other than the name and a few pictures. She certainly didn’t know anything about her sons. Beyond the fact that maybe one of them had been adopted. She seemed to recall reading that somewhere, but couldn’t remember if it was true. She shrugged and turned on her blinker for another turn. “Still lost, I’m afraid.”

An annoyed grunt told her that Finn did not like this answer, but he pressed onward, rolling his eyes more often than was perhaps necessary, communicating his annoyance with every syllable he slurred. “His mother has this rule that Poe can’t date anyone until Ben’s got somebody. Ben’s _lonely_ , she says, and if Poe’s busy falling in love, there’ll be no one to hang out with Ben. Not that Ben ever wants to hang out. He’s miserable. Even when he _does_ hang out, he's totally checked out and doesn't want to be with us...”

Ah. That all made more sense. One of the funny things about drunk people was that they often forgot that not everyone lived inside of their heads. But with this new context, she got the gist, at least, of Finn’s dilemma.  

“I see the problem now. You just need this Ben guy to fall for someone and then you and your Poe are home free."

“Yes! You get it,” he whooped at the realization he’d found an understanding ally, though the joy only lasted a second. Immediately, he slumped back down, a deep frown dominating his features. “But also, you don’t get it because…”

The navigation system barked at her to re-route due to some late-night construction and she struggled to oblige. Only when they were back on the route towards Finn’s house did she realize he’d not finished his sentence. She glanced in the rearview, only to find him tangled in a mess of seatbelt and oversized leather jacket.

“You alright back there?”

“Yeah, just almost threw up.” Oh, the drunk. They could at least be relied upon for honesty. He waved his hand as if waving off the feeling. “It’s fine. Fine, fine…Fine. But no, you don’t get it because Ben’s just not the falling for someone type. She’d need to be really, you know, tough and lovable."

“Tough _and_ lovable’s a tall order.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke. Then, Finn snapped his fingers. Apparently, a revelation was going on the backseat.

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re pretty poor, right?”

Every muscle in Rey’s body stiffened. In a flash, she considered about a hundred ways to pull over, kick him out of her car and show him a piece of her mind. She’d taken enough self-defense courses in preparation for this job to teach a drunk _jerk_ like him a lesson.

“ _Excuse me_?” She shrieked. 

“I mean, you’re driving an Uber. I just figured. I’m sorry. You know, I’m poor too." 

The olive branch of common suffering didn’t soothe the entire damage to her pride, but she put a definite hold on her plans to beat him up.

“…Not that it’s any of your business, but yes. I’m saving money for school, if you must know.”

“Well, I’m just saying…” He’d stopped snapping and hitting himself and now took to hitting the back of her chair like a gambler cheering on his favorite racing stallion in a betting parlor. “Wait. Do you have a boyfriend? A cute boyfriend?”

“Again, not that it’s any of your business—”

“You’re right. Stupid question. You’re driving an Uber on a Saturday night. You don’t have a boyfriend.” Before she could open her mouth to protest, he ran over her objections with a query. By now, he was fully out of his seatbelt, leaning in between the two front seats to get a better level on the conversation. “What if I told you I had an idea?”

“I’d ask if it was the tequila talking. And you _have_ to buckle up.”

“No, but you’re really pretty. And you’re tough. And I like you. And you’re tough.”

“You said tough twice. Buckle up.”

“Yeah,” He scoffed, leaning back and snapping himself into the safety belt with a self-satisfied huff. “I said tough twice because you’re going to need to be tough to date Ben Solo.”

“I’m not going to date Ben Solo.”

She didn’t even _know_ Ben Solo. Or even _of_ Ben Solo. Apparently, he was related to some guy named Poe and the Dean, but other than that, she couldn’t have picked him out of a line-up if her life depended on it.

“Would you do it for five hundred dollars?" 

The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Five hundred dollars? She could use that money to buy her first course at school. Five hundred dollars meant the start of her new life. With her rent and, you know, needing to eat every once in awhile, it would take her forever to save that kind of money.

But as soon as hope lifted in her chest, she stabbed it back. This was the word of a drunk idiot, and as she knew, drunk idiots always talked big game and never tipped. $500 on top of her driving fee would absolutely qualify as a tip.

“You’re drunk. And you just told me you’re broke.”

“No. I mean, yes. I am drunk, and mostly broke, but just… Just wait.” Contorting his body to lift his hips despite the seatbelt, he fished out his phone and started dialing, holding the machine up to his ear. “Let me get my boyfriend on the phone. He’s the one with the money. Well, he’s not my boyfriend yet, but—” Then, he wasn’t talking to her any longer. “Poe! I’ve got great news. Great, great news. Listen, I’ve just met Rey … My Uber Driver… Yeah, and she’s going to date your brother so we can finally… I know, right? Genius! But you’ve got to send her some money. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.” He held the phone away from his face and inclined his chin in her direction. “What’s your venmo?”

She almost choked. One minute, this guy was crying about his lost love and the next, they were ready to send her a check for dating some loser. Besides, she couldn’t talk finance when she was driving a vehicle. Surely there was a safety law against that. “Are you serious right now?”

“Here. You just talk to him.” Off of Rey’s deadly look when he tried to pass her the phone, he pressed a button and held the screen up beside her head. “I’ll put you on speaker.”

A crackling—but surprisingly sober—voice came to life on the other end of the phone.

“Hi, is this Rey?”

“Speaking.”

“Sorry about my boyfriend. He’s just a little…” She didn’t know this person, but she could practically hear the eye roll from his end of the phone. “We’ve never gotten to go out in public. Too worried about my mom catching us. She’s not against it or anything. It’s just my brother—”

“Finn briefed me.”

“Great. Well, anyway, what’s your venmo? I’ll send you half now and half after your first date. Does that sound alright?" 

 _Yes. No. What is going on here and how did I get swept up in all of this_? She’d never run a scheme like this before. Coming from poverty, the thought tempted her a handful of times, but she was determined to earn her life honestly. So, she tried being honest with this Poe guy. 

“I don’t know anything about Ben Solo or how to date someone.”

“Don’t worry. If Finn trusts you, then so do I. And we’ll tell you everything you need to know about my brother.” A few _beeps and boops_ on his end later and her phone _dinged_. “I’m sending you a pin. You can drop Finn off at my place and I’ll give you all the information you’d ever want.”

True to his word, the new address directed her towards one of the nicest apartment buildings in town, where a drunken Finn still managed to punch in the correct access code to let them into the building. She followed, and upon her arrival upstairs, she was introduced to the mysterious Poe figure, who told her everything she needed to know. He liked calligraphy. And sword play. And flying. And history. And black coffee. She learned everything and committed it to memory, her wallet now two hundred and fifty dollars heavier and her bank account two hundred and fifty dollars closer to affording her first college class.

And that’s how she ended up here, standing at the end of the library on the campus of New Republic University, carrying a student ID card that couldn’t have been more fake, scanning the crowd for the face she’d seen in the photos given to her by Poe while Finn was too busy throwing up.

“There he is,” she whispered to herself.

 And there he was. There was no missing the man from the photographs, who now sat alone at a table in the darkest part of the library. The second week of classes apparently scared enough people into studying that every table was full and some even tucked themselves on the floor between book stacks or on steps of staircases, yet somehow, no one thought to take one of the three chairs near Ben Solo. 

She approached, then stopped short. Her chest clenched. He poured over several heavy, open tomes, open highlighter in one hand and stack of sticky notes in the other.

 _Oh, no._ _He’s as handsome as he was in the pictures. No, more handsome. Can I do this_?

Yes. She had to. Steeling her courage, she finished her pursuit and stood behind the open chair across from him. And in her strongest voice, she asked the million dollar question.

 

* * *

One of the perks of wearing all black and never smiling and being the Dean’s son was that no one ever bothered him. Unlike his foster-brother, who welcomed attention, Ben preferred attention where it belonged: as far away from him as possible. It meant he got much of what he wanted easier. No one sat next to him during lectures. No one stopped him with petitions or flyers on the quad. And no one joined him in the library for studying. 

At least, not until today. He’d made it three years at NRU before someone finally had the guts to ask the question: 

“Is this seat taken?”

Not bothering to look up from his World Peace and World Order texts, he shook his head. Maybe this was some new transfer or a freshman who didn’t yet see him as the Big Bad Wolf, but he’d teach them.

“I’m not up for a study group, thank you,” he said, bored.

But to his surprise, the dismissal didn’t work. The cold distance in his voice didn’t freeze her out. On the contrary, she dropped her heavy texts like a barrel of lead and plopped into the open chair across from him.

“Great. I’m not either.”

That’s when he looked up, a huge mistake, really. If he hadn’t looked up, he wouldn’t have seen how beautiful his new table partner was. If he hadn’t looked up, he could have lived the rest of his life without knowing this person existed somewhere in the world. If he hadn’t looked up, he wouldn’t have realized how natural it felt to see her there. Without any pomp or circumstance, she opened her books and retrieved her pencils, as casually as if she lived here. _Dammit._

“What are you doing?”

“Studying.” She turned to a page in her notebook and checked her old-fashioned wrist-watch for the date before scribbling it in the top corner of a fresh, college-ruled sheet. “It’s a library, isn’t it?”

 “But this is my table.”

“Does it have your name on it?”

“No, but the library does.”

That got her attention. Her head snapped up from the book and a hand flew to her chest.

“You’re Mr. Organa-Solo. _The_ Mr. Organa-Solo? I’m in the presence of the _actual_ Organa-Solo?”

“You’ve heard of me?”

She’d heard of him and she wasn’t afraid of him? She’d heard of him and didn’t know better than to stay away? Hope fluttered in his chest, only to be shot down when the joyous look on her face sunk and he realized the entire thing had been sarcastic.

“No." 

“Well.” He sniffed to cover his embarrassment. “This is my table. It’s where I sit and if you’re going to sit here, I’ll need quiet. I have to focus.”

  
A lie. He didn’t need to focus. He just spent all of his time here so no one would bother him to see his mother or his father or his brother. Any time spent here was another minute spent not with his family. Studying was as good an excuse as any.

Most people, he noticed during all his time of observing the crowds that ebbed and flowed in and out of this place, enjoyed a bit of whispered conversation with their studying. He assumed denial of that would be enough to scare her off. He assumed wrong. And he respected her a little more for it.

“Fine. That’s fine.”

She returned to her books, betraying not even a hint of fluster and their close quarters or the heat of his stare upon her. For a moment, he tried the same until the slow, deliberate move of her hand on the new sheet of paper caught his eye. No one taking notes would do so that carefully. Sure enough, she was reading one of his favorite calligraphy guides, her tongue tucked in between her teeth in concentration. Not wanting to disturb the work, he waited for her to finish whatever letter she was on before asking:

“What’s that there?”

“I thought we were focusing.”

“But—”

“Sh!” She held her pencil over her lips, but had the audacity to smile at him. 

 _Smile._ When was the last time anyone besides his family had smiled at him, or treated him like the human she was treating him as? It caught a light in his dark chest, but he ground his jaw and tried to ignore it. If he thought about it too hard, perhaps he would find he liked the sensation of being smiled at, and that was _not_ something he could abide. Still, he couldn’t help but pose the question again, this time at an even lower volume. He leaned it to make sure he could be heard.

“But I was just wondering why you’re reading that.”

“Calligraphy is interesting.” She shrugged. “Don’t make fun of it.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

And he really wasn’t. In fact, he’d never met another person who enjoyed his love of the craft. It was a stupid hobby, one he got made fun of for all the time and mercilessly. He’d never subject anyone to what others subjected him to. She looked up again, eyes dancing but strangely guarded.

“I’m Rey.”

“Ben.”

“Organa-Solo,” she provided, a teasing tugging at the ends of her lips. He looked away immediately. He didn’t want to feel what that smile made him feel. He couldn’t feel it, not when it spoke to him so directly, so abruptly.

“Yes.”

After awhile, Rey leaned into her book, squinting at the pages. To her credit, she’d picked one of the best calligraphic style guides in existence, but it did have the world’s smallest printed instructions.  

“It’s kind of dark in here, isn’t it?”

“It’s a library. Does it need to be bright?”

“It’s just sort of like a dungeon. Did you get here late?”

“No. I got here at nine in the morning.” What an odd question. “Why do you ask?”

She shrugged. “I just figured you’d only pick this table if it was the only one available. It’s nice to be able to see the sun once in awhile. That’s all." 

“I like to focus.”

“You can’t focus in the sun?” 

He didn’t answer her or her quiet smile. They studied in silence for the rest of the afternoon, when she departed, promising to see him tomorrow. But the next day, when she arrived, he wasn’t sitting at his usual table. Instead, he arrived early and selected one by the window, so by the time she took her seat across from him, the table was flooded with afternoon sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter! This will be my first multi-chapter Reylo fic and I couldn't be more excited. I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of this Ten Things I Hate About You inspired fic and I can't wait to hear your thoughts! If you liked it, please leave a comment and share a kudo! I'd love any feedback you have. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two 

 

> _There’s a party on Friday night. Poe and I really want to go together. Please get him to go with you. Your other $250 is waiting. ;)_

Rey's phone, which held her secret group chat with Poe and Finn, who’d been tracking her progress since that first day at the library, weighed like a brick in her pocket. It’d been five days now of little conversations and stolen glances with Ben Organa-Solo, five days of light teasing and calligraphy, and with every passing second they spent together, her internal conflict grew.

She was almost as bored of it as she was dreading what came next. Because, as it turned out, she actually kind of liked Ben. Or, maybe more accurately, she wasn’t as terrified of him as everyone else was or as much as he wanted her to be. In some moments when they spoke, or when he lent her a pencil and their fingertips brushed, she could see his steel façade flicker and she caught a glimpse of the man behind.

Oh, and she actually kind of liked calligraphy. In a perfect world, he would have spent most of his time following one of his other interests—sword-fighting would have been her pick for sure—but there was something therapeutic about practicing the letters a thousand times until they became perfect.

“Ben?”

  
“Mm-hm?”

She glanced between him and her calligraphy book, the one Poe said he’d read religiously and knew by heart. _This is all a ploy_ , she reminded herself. _All an excuse to get him talking so you can ask him to the party. Nothing more_. “Do you mind helping me with this? I can’t get the lift on this H quite right.”

He peeked up from his textbook, then returned to it just as quickly. “It’s simple, really. Just flick your wrist.”

Not an auspicious start to her asking him on a date. Things only got worse when a scrawny freshman with windowpane-thick glasses wandered up and motioned to the seat next to Ben.

“Can I sit here?”

“No.”

The kid scampered off, leaving Rey and Ben once again alone. She scrutinized him through narrowed eyes, speaking the truth even though it was likely to get her kicked out, too.  

“You know, all this time I thought you were lonely. But you actually like people being afraid of you, don’t you?”

“I like my privacy,” Ben replied, after a moment’s hesitation, never once looking up from his law books.

“Why?”

“Because privacy means I don’t have to have any conversations like this one.”

It might have been cruel and painful if she didn’t catch the sight of his lips, which quirked up in the faintest of teasing smiles. Her blood raced in her ears. This was her favorite part of their days together, the little battles they danced right here, in whispers at a library table. They were evenly matched, equally witty, and every time he rewarded her with one of those smiles, she only wanted to earn another one.

After all, a smile from the scariest man on campus was quite the accomplishment. She could get drunk on smiles like those.

“Oh, but see, I like conversations like this one.”

Finally, Ben looked up from his work. Rey’s heart clenched. If she didn’t know better, she’d say that there was something like hope in his eyes. How long had it been since someone said that they actually _liked_ spending time with him? Maybe they were more alike than she realized. 

 “Really?”

“Yeah, I hate talking to people who actually enjoy my company.” Rey smirked. “Where’s the fun in that?”

For a moment, they were silent. He went back to his law reviews and she focused back on her calligraphy, still struggling with those damn capital H’s. And then, he mumbled something that sounded _distinctly_ like, “I don’t mind your company.”

“What was that?” Rey balked, sure she couldn’t have heard him correctly. Sure the entire point of this whole thing was to get him to like her, but she’d pretty much given up on the hope of that by day two.

He cleared his throat. “I said I don’t mind your company.”

“Really?” Her calligraphy ink smudged across her paper as she chuckled. “Mr. Ben ‘I-hate-smiling-and-conversation’ Organa-Solo doesn’t mind me? Do I win some kind of prize for that?”

“No, but I’ll take it all back if you don’t stop this right now.”

  
“Stop what? Having fun?”

“No, if you don’t stop…stop…” Words failed him. Her smile only grew bigger. But then, he tapped the top of her page. “Oh, you’re doing that all wrong.”

“Well, come over here and fix it if you’re so smart.”

  
“Fine. Here.”

Then, something strange happened. Ben got up from his chair, rounded the table, and placed himself just behind her, layering her body with his own. She could feel him, sense him, every inch of him, and she was keenly aware of his every breath and movement. In perfect contrast to his usual demeanor, his entire body radiated warmth. The scent of pine and ink filled her nose as she breathed him in.

And his fingers left a trail of goosebumps and he placed his fingers against hers, leading her through the motions of the simple letter _H_.

“You just have to follow through like this.” The letter materialized on the page, but she didn’t really see it. She was too focused on making sure she was still breathing. Ben released her, and she instantly felt cold without him. “You see? Perfect.”

Gazing up at him from her seat, she spoke the words before she could even think twice about it. “Do you want to go to a party with me on Friday?”

Ben furrowed his brow. Took two steps back from her. “I beg your pardon?”

“A party. You know. Drinking, dancing, fun.”

“I don’t…”

“Oh, right.” She tried to adopt that fun, lighthearted tone they’d had just a minute ago. Difficult, considering her entire body was on fire from his touch. “Fun is the thing you do when—”

“I know what a party is and I know what fun is, thank you very much. I just don’t know why you’d want to go with me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

  
“No one else would.”

Her heart ached. The phone in her pocket wasn’t brick-heavy now. It was skyscraper heavy, planet heavy, threatening to drag her down to the depths of her guilt.

“Come on. It’ll be a completely stupid frat party, but we can stand in the corner and drink free beer and talk about how much better we are than everyone else. It’ll be fun. Just you and me.”

Ben ducked his head, hiding his expression. He dove into packing up his bag, practically throwing the books and papers away instead of his usual approach of orderly, almost hyper-attentive, clean-up. Rey mirrored him. He wasn’t going to escape her just by escaping the library.

“I already have plans on Friday.”

A sting shot through her chest. Rejection hurt, even if it wasn’t entirely real. Probably because, payments or no payments and no matter how much she knew she shouldn’t, she really _did_ want to spend Friday night drinking and talking with him. “Doing what?”

“Homework. Studying. This _is_ still a school, last time I checked.”

“Yeah, and this is what college is about, right? Having too much fun. And I don’t know. I thought maybe you’d want to have too much fun with me.”

“I have to go. I’ll be late for my lecture.”

With that, Ben turned on his heels and headed for the exit. Rey shouldered her bag and followed. As he strode across the quad towards his next lecture, she doubled her pace to match his.

 _I hope he doesn’t see that I’m sweating over here_. _I need him to go out with me, not offer me a handkerchief._

“You know,” she huffed, “You never said no. So, maybe I’ll see you on Friday at eight, then?”

“I wouldn’t hold my breath if I was you,” Ben countered, his eyes never even flickering in her direction.

Well…Asking him didn’t work. Talking him into a corner didn’t work. But she was resourceful. She’d find a way to convince him. In the meantime, there was something she needed to know.

“Before you go, can I ask you one more question?”

“That depends.”

“What, exactly, don’t you mind about me?”

But before he could answer, a crowd rushing to class separated them, carrying him into the lecture hall, leaving her alone and more curious than ever.

No matter how curious she was, though, two facts still remained: Ben liked her. And…there was no denying it. She liked him, too.

***

There were some great things about living at home with his family. For one thing, the Dean’s Mansion on Campus was easily the nicest place Ben Organa-Solo had ever lived. For another, it was convenient to campus and just a block away from the dining hall that served cheesesteaks and burgers and milkshakes and the occasional salad 24-hours a day. Saving money on rent was always nice, no matter how ridiculous he felt telling people he still lived with his mother. But there were…other things that made it less than optimal.

Living with his brother wasn’t at the top of his list. Neither was sharing a bathroom with him or having to face his parents every day. The worst part, though, was without a doubt, the thin walls. The historic mansion hadn’t been updated since the 1800’s, which meant that if you whispered in the kitchen, you could hear it on the other side of the house.

This small quirk of the building meant Ben often learned things about himself he didn’t want to know. Like the fact that no one in this house much liked him. And that his mother had so little faith in him, she’d told his adopted brother he couldn’t have a life until he’d found one.

“Dinner will be on the table in ten,” his mother said, presumably to Poe, who would no doubt be helping with the preparations. _Mama’s boy_. “I want you boys washed up. Go get your brother.”

“Actually, mom…Finn and I got invited to a party. And we’re going out.”

“And who’s Ben going with?”

The question was loaded, and Ben could hear it even from his bedroom on the second floor. His mother never asked innocent questions.

“He got invited, I think, but he didn’t have anyone to go with. I mean, you know how Ben is. He didn’t _want_ to go.”

That couldn’t have been further from the truth. Not that Poe would have known or cared, but, when Rey asked him to go to the party, he wanted nothing more than to say yes. It should have been easy, taking her hand and agreeing. Even last night, when he’d fallen asleep with her words still on his mind, he’d dreamed of dancing with her, laughing at her side, kissing her so tenderly that he could still feel her on his lips when he woke up.

But he couldn’t go out there and face them, face everyone who knew his name and who knew who he was. And he couldn’t put Rey through that, either.

His mother continued in the _don’t fuck with me, boy_ tone he knew so well. “Then you’ll stay in and keep him company.”

“Mom. This is ridiculous. We’re all adults—”

“Poe, as long as you live under this roof and as long as I control the campus police around here, I’m the law. So, you’ll do what I say. Is that understood?”

Apparently, it _wasn’t_ understood, because Poe changed tack. Ben, for his part, pocketed his phone and tucked a book under his arm before heading down to the kitchen. “Dad. You’ve got to agree that this is a little ridiculous, right?”

“Listen to your mother. She’s almost never wrong.”

She sniffed at her husband’s claim. “ _Almost_?”

Ben went completely ignored as he entered the kitchen, something for which he was grateful. His parents were so busy with their snarking that they didn’t even realize he went for the nice bottle of wine instead of the cheap stuff in the fridge. He poured a long glass, smirking as his parents played out one of their favorite teasing arguments.

“Well, there was that time you got us lost on the way to Lando’s place and we almost got eaten by that thing.”

“It was a dog,” Leia Organa-Solo flatlined.

“It was a wild wolf, and it could have devoured the car.”

“It was the size of a Pomeranian. This is worse than the time you told the boys you won that ridiculous car race.”

“It wasn’t ridiculous and I _did_ win that race—”

The wine slipped down Ben’s throat, and he relished the sensation. A few more glasses like these and he wouldn’t care what anyone said about him or what Rey had asked him to do. He’d just ignore them all until he could slip into a drunken, dreamless sleep. Poe, of course, didn’t care about any of that. The perfect son wanted the attention back on him.

“Guys, please, can we focus on the task at hand here?”

“And what is that, darling?” their mom intoned.  

“I’m going to this party tonight. And that’s that.”

Leia took the wine from her eldest son and poured herself a glass. “Ben?”

  
“Mm-hm?”

“Do you know anything about a party tonight?”

“No,” he lied easily, opening his book and taking a seat at the table to read it until suppertime.

Just at that moment, the doorbell rang. Not entirely strange, since they often had unannounced visitors and ding-dong-ditchers, so their mother pointed a stern finger in Poe’s direction and put on her best mothering voice. Ben counted a point of victory over his brother.

“You’re not going.”

Poe turned to begging this time as their mother retreated towards the front door. “Ben, come on. I haven’t been out in ages and I really like this guy—”

The begging continued. Ben ignored it in favor of listening in to his mother at the front door, calmly and warmly telling whoever had interrupted dinner to get lost.

“Oh. Hello. I’m sorry, we were just sitting down for dinner and we’re already devout Satanists, so we’re not looking for a religion, but thank you—”

“I’m actually here to see Ben.”

His heart caught. He knew that voice.

  
“Really? And your name?”

“Rey. We study in the library together sometimes. There’s this party tonight and—”

“Oh, come in. Please, please.” In a matter of steps across the hardwood floors, she appeared, just beside his mother in the doorway to the kitchen and dining suite. It occurred to him again how _right_ she looked in his world, how it was almost as if she belonged there. To make matters worse…She was beautiful. She was beautiful normally, of course, but tonight, with her usual jeans and t-shirts replaced with a dress that gracefully smoothed the curves of her body, she positively glowed. His stomach tightened. He swallowed hard.

His mother, oblivious to his plight, continued.  “Ben, you didn’t tell us you have a friend—”

His entire body fired with electricity. She couldn’t be here, imposing herself in his life. He couldn’t…she just…They couldn’t be together. No matter how much he’d been starting to want it over these last few days in her company.

“What are you doing here?” he practically growled, ignoring his mother’s look of horror.

“Sorry I’m late,” Rey apologized, as though this was some actual date that he’d actually agreed to. “My car broke down and I had to basically superglue it back together to get it working again. Then, I couldn’t take my eyes with that Millenium Falcon outside. What is that, a ’78 model?”

Her eyes danced. She liked cars? How did he not know this?

Oh, right. Because he’d spent the last week at the table with her trying to pretend she didn’t exist just to protect his stupid heart.

“’79, actually,” Ben’s dad interjected, trying his best not to look thrilled that someone finally appreciated his love for old junk cars. “If you want, you can take Ben’s car to the party, and I’ll have a look at yours.”

“Really?” she blanched.

It was the kind of effortlessly kind thing that his father did all of the time, but Rey treated it as if someone had just offered to make her the queen of a far-off country. He had to wonder…With a reaction like that, when was the last time someone had offered to do something nice for her?

Maybe they had more in common than he originally thought.

“Of course,” Han said. “Just leave the keys.”

Poe, seeing his chance to escape despite the obvious disconnect between Ben and Rey, took his chance while he could, picking up his own set of keys and heading for the front door without looking back.

“Alright. We’re going. I’m driving.”

For a moment, Ben considered his next move, but saw no other option. He _had_ to go with Rey tonight. Not just because Poe needed him to. Not just because she’d basically come to his house and put him on the spot.

It was because he couldn’t stand the thought of letting her leave without him.

Abandoning his book and, unfortunately, his wine behind, he led Rey back to the front door, where he grabbed his leather jacket and they were followed by his mother’s voice.

“Have fun. Don’t do anything that will get you sent to my office. The last time was embarrassing enough.”

Rey smirked. A delightful sight that sent his pulse flying. Too bad she probably wouldn’t want to be with him after this party tonight. “You’ve gotten sent to your mom’s office? For what?”

“Look, I’m going with you to this party,” he said, opening the door of Poe’s X-Wing Model 6 for her. “Don’t push your luck.”

“Okay, you outlaw.”

Sliding into the car beside her, close enough to reach out and take her hand, Ben had to remind himself…This wasn’t one of his dreams. This night wouldn’t end with dancing or laughter. And it certainly wouldn’t end in kissing.

No matter how much he wished it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about the time gap between the first and second chapters! I've been going through some family stuff, but am now able to come back and focus on my fics! If you have stuck with my 10Things story, thank you so much! Let me know what you think with comments and kudos! I hope you've enjoyed it so far. 
> 
> Just so you know, writing for Leia Organa-Solo is my favorite thing in the whole world. I love it so much and getting to write scenes with her is the MOST fun! I hope you all liked her in particular!


	3. Chapter Three

_Chapter Three_

If things had been different, then Ben would have thought that this was a fairy tale or a daydream come true. After all, there he was: at a genuine college party, the kind of raucous affair they made late-night comedies about, with the most beautiful, intriguing girl on his arm, and the entire room went silent the moment he walked in.

            But things weren’t different. Unfortunately, he lived in this reality, not a fairytale daydream one, and as it was…The party was a nightmare of awkward stares and whispers, the beer was probably watered down, Rey was never going to want to see him again after today, and the assembled crowds weren’t staring because he cut some kind of awe-inspiring figure, but because they couldn’t believe he’d dared to show his face in public.

            It was more nightmare than daydream. But now that he was here, he couldn’t bear the thought of running away. Not just because it would prove them right that he was a coward who was too afraid to be seen in public at these sorts of things—and he would rather die than prove these people right about him—but…well…if Rey wasn’t ever going to talk to him again after this night, then he might as well enjoy her company.

            Or _try_ to enjoy her company. That wasn’t terribly easy to do when he could feel the weight of a room’s stares settle squarely on his shoulders. Finn, who they’d collected from his house on the way to the rager, and Poe ran off upstairs together, leaving he and Rey completely alone to face the wolves.

            Ben ducked his head and collected her hand in his, leading her through the now openly-gossiping throng. They shouted conversation about him over the music, their words ringing in his ears.

            “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”

  
            Rey smirked. His stomach threatened to do a little flip. She’d added liner to her eyes tonight and a red lip stain that brought out her pout. How had a girl this beautiful, this kind, this full of life, ever decided that she wanted to spend a Saturday night with _him_ of all people? The Pariah of the entire university campus? “Agreed to what? Having fun?”

As they walked towards the kitchen, where he assumed the booze was being kept, he tried not to think about how they were holding hands. Because it wasn’t a big deal. Really. Totally. Not a big deal at all. Instead, he focused on his own anxieties, which boiled up with every passing rumor. All of these people hated him. If Rey was going to join them, she might as well do it now.

Once in the kitchen of the frat house, he released her hand. And immediately wished he hadn’t. Without her touch, his entire body ran cold. He reached into the refrigerator, searching for a distraction.

  
            “You don’t have to babysit me, you know. I understand how to behave at a party.”

            “Well, that’s good because I don’t understand the first thing about what to do at a party like this one.”

He dug into the back of the fridge where one of the fraternity members had hidden a box of Coke cans. Fishing it out, he handed the drink to Rey. It was second nature, offering it to her, even though it probably revealed too much about how much he liked her. It was enough to notice that she drank a can of Coke in the library every day at 2:15 p.m., enough to know that it was her favorite drink.

Even as casually as he handed the beverage off, shock flooded his face.

  
            “Really? But you’re…”

            “I’m what?”

_You’re beautiful. Too beautiful to have never been invited to something like this_ , he thought to himself. But the words wouldn’t come out. Instead, he shook his head and went in search of some strong and cheap alcohol.

  
            “Nothing. I just thought you would have…Never mind.”    

            “Not a ton of time to go to parties in foster care. Or out here on my own trying to cobble enough money together for classes.”

            His hands stilled over an empty handle of Vodka. When he’d imagined Rey away from their study table, he’d always pictured her as she was in those moments with him: teeming with life and energy and love. He hadn’t ever even imagined she was alone in this world. His words took on the tenor of an apology, one he didn’t even begin to know how to make.

            “I didn’t know.”

  
            A half-cocked smile danced on her red lips. Self-deprecating. Sharp-edged. “I know. It’s pretty hard to figure out anything about me when you’re doing everything you can to push me away, huh?”

            “I’m not pushing you away.”

  
            “Then what do you call what you’ve been doing?”

            “I’m trying to protect you. You don’t want to get involved with me.”

            “And why not?”

Before he could answer— _because eventually, everyone I love leaves me…and I don’t want you to turn out like everyone else—_ the red-headed menace of campus, a prep school dipshit named Armitage Hux, strolled up, the scent of too-strong body spray and whiskey clouding his perfectly mussed, expertly tailored collared shirt. Ben’s stomach turned at the sight of him.

“Ah, look who it is. The Organa-Solo boy. The disappointment of the century. To what do we owe the honor of your gracing us with your presence?” 

            Without missing a beat and fully ignoring Hux, Ben shot an _I told you so_ glance at Rey. Everyone on this campus, everyone who knew him, felt exactly the way that Hux did. Only, Hux was brave enough to say it to his face. Hux was brave enough and cruel enough to let Ben know exactly what an embarrassment he was to the entire Organa-Solo-Skywalker dynasty. “That’s why you don’t want to get involved with me.”

            Rey furrowed her brow. “What?”

            “I’m going to get a drink.”

            “Ben!”

            But by the time she called his name a second time, he’d already decided to crawl into the bottom of a bottle and stay there. Tonight, he wouldn’t think about pretty eyes or kind smiles or how it would destroy him if he fell in love with those pretty eyes and they ended up hating him just like everyone else.

            Tonight, he was going to forget.

            …And seven shots of tequila later, he’d forgotten. Or, at least, his brain was fuzzy enough that he didn’t want to remember.

            JJust like he didn’t remember when he’d started dancing. Just like he didn’t remember when he’d taken his shirt off. Just like he didn’t remember how he’d gotten on top of this table.

* * *

          Rey’s job was technically over. She’d gotten Ben Organa-Solo out of the house long enough for Poe and Finn to go on their date. She’d delivered him to the party, end of story. If she was a smart businesswoman, she would have been safely out of the party by now, eating a bag of hot McDonald’s French fries—the _large_ size, not the size on the Dollar menu, thank you very much—and counting her earnings.

            But every time she so much as thought about leaving, her heartstrings tugged her back in Ben’s direction. For a while, she’d let herself hang back at a distance, content to just watch him and try to figure him out.

            When that didn’t work, when she was as confused by him as ever and when she’d realized she’d missed him taking an extra three shots of tequila in a row, when she heard a roar from the crowd and looked up to see Ben Organa-Solo, introvert and anti-people person extraordinaire dancing, shirtless, on top of a table, she knew that her time of hanging back and waiting was over.

            He needed rescuing. And, whether or not she was getting paid for it, she had to be the one doing that rescuing.

            A heavy rap beat blared through the house, shaking the walls, and the drunk college students around her laughed into their cheap mixed drinks and held up their phones to record the spectacle. As much as the sight of their cruelty filled her mouth with blood, she had to admit…Ben was sexy. Incredibly sexy. And, under normal circumstances, she probably would have liked the show he was putting on.

            But not tonight. Not when she knew everyone in this room was going to turn this footage into a campus-wide meme at his expense.

            Jumping up on the table, she scooped his sweater and leather jacket off of the chandelier before guiding him back down towards the floor, tossing one arm around his neck in an attempt to use his shoulders as a kind of steering wheel. The crowd protested, but she tuned them out. Her priority was Ben. She needed to make sure he was alright.

            “Alright, Ben, let’s get you outside.”

            “Don’t wanna.”

            But his jelly legs and his drunken stumble were no match for her sure grip on him. Without putting up much of a fight to speak of, he allowed her to take him out to the front lawn, to a quiet patch of cool grass where they could sit and see the stars. She tried not to think about how close their bodies where. How his warmth radiated deep into her skin, how his hands gripped at her shoulder blades almost sensually.

            It was harder not to think about why she’d chosen to stay and look after Ben instead of taking her money and running. The answer was clear and obvious. This wasn’t about the money anymore. She really liked him, drunken mishaps and all.

            …That was sure to complicate things.

            Ben slipped down to the grass, barely controlling his descent. She tossed him his sweater and was almost sad when he immediately set about re-clothing himself. “Why’d you do that?”

            “Because I was worried about you.”

            “Why? It wasn’t like I was alone.”  

            “I can understand why you’d want to stay in there. They all seemed like great folks.”

            Bitterness seeped into her voice. No wonder Ben kept everyone at arm’s length. Everyone she’d met so far tonight was a complete and total asshole, especially that Hux guy.

            Ben picked at a handful of tall grass blades, his sloppy smile slipping into something slightly more sardonic than she was used to seeing on him. “Yeah, well at least my brother won’t ask me to go out with him anymore.”

            Rey’s heart thrummed. The two brothers were so different—the dark and brooding loner and the golden-boy hero—but what she wouldn’t have given to have a family like they did. It seemed such a waste that they let a perfectly good brotherly bond go to waste because of a few differences.

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe your brother likes spending time with you?”

            “No. He’s still pissed about mom’s dating rule. I embarrass him too much for him to like me.” Ben sank, miserably, leaning back onto his elbows and letting mud cake onto the smooth leather of his jacket. Rey bit back a laugh. She’d never seen him so honest or so defenseless before. “I’m a life ruiner, Rey. I ruin lives. And I’ll ruin your life next if you aren’t careful.”

            “To be completely honest, I’m more worried about you ruining my shoes. I know a vomiter when I see one.”

            Ben snorted. It wasn’t quite a laugh, but it was as close to one as she could remember getting. Butterflies took hold of her stomach. She liked knowing that she could make him laugh, could break down his barriers. “You’re funny. And I can’t believe you’re still here with me.”

            “Why is that?”

            “Because no one else is. No one else wants to be here with me.”

            “And why is that? Why was that Hux guy—”

            The laughter disappeared from Ben’s face. “I hate him.”

            “I can see that. You only take seven shots of Tequila in a row if you really despise someone or really love them, and selfishly, I’m hoping it’s because you hate him.”

            The words had escaped her before she knew what to do with them. No matter how many times she told herself that she’d only said it because lovestruck, smitten girl was her role, her heart knew better. Ben was silent for a moment, then, he turned his eyes on her, giving him the full force of his vulnerability.

            It disarmed her. Because it meant that he _trusted_ her. God, why did he have to trust her? Why couldn’t he curse her and send her away and tell her never to come back? It would make all of this so much easier. But no, he had to go and trust her and look at her with the truth in his absurdly beautiful, outrageously vulnerable eyes.

            “I don’t hate you.”

            “I think that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

            “I can be nicer.”

            She smirked, deflecting with humor. “Yeah? When does that start?”

            Any hope she had of him returning the jest died when he started speaking. “It’s just…I’m a screw-up, Rey. My family, they’re these perfect heroes and I’m…I can’t live up to their legacy. I never could. So, when I was young, I just stopped trying. I figured it was easy to disappoint everyone from jump. It’s easier if everyone hates me…That way…I never let them get close enough to hurt me.”

            “I can understand that.”

            “Really?”

            More than she wanted to admit. Tugging at the bottom of her sleeves, she wrapped her arms around her knees and held onto them tight. Anything to keep the butterflies from escaping her stomach. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d told anyone about her life. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone cared. But Ben gazed at her as though she was hanging the stars.

            “Yes, but in reverse. I’ve never known my family. Never known what it was like to have a home to go to or how to do anything but hold my own. It’s like…I’ve always been fighting against ghosts, always trying to prove that I’m not nothing, that I matter.”

            “You’re not nothing. Not to me.”

            “And neither are you.”

            It was such a simple thing. Being seen by someone. But it overwhelmed her senses. And when he reached out for her, she couldn’t resist placing her hand in his.

            “You’re surprisingly eloquent when you’re drunk,” she sniffed, trying to swallow her emotion.

            Ben’s smile slipped across his handsome face. “And you’re even more beautiful when I’m drunk.”

            “Alright.” That was her cue to leave. He was getting drunk and ridiculous. Rising to her feet, she offered him her hand. “Let’s get you home.”

            “No, I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I just…” He rubbed at his tired eyes and tried again. Her heart tugged. “I’m just not very good at wanting people to like me. I think my brain is just used to saying the wrong thing on purpose. You’re always beautiful. Ever since that first day in the library.”

            “You’re not so bad yourself,” she deflected. Rey couldn’t allow herself to believe him, couldn’t imagine what it would feel like if Ben _actually_ thought she was beautiful. “I’d almost be flattered if I believed you were going to remember this in the morning.”

            Ben stumbled to his feet. “I’ll remember.”

             “If you say so, Champ.”       

            “Rey.”

            She’d turned to leave, but his voice stopped her. Goosebumps erupted across her skin.

            “Mm-hm?”

            Circling her with uncertain steps, Ben came to face her, close enough that he was the only thing in the world she could see. Until his words were the only thing she could comprehend. Until his heartbeat stuttered in time with her own. “You have ink stains on your right hand and a grease mark on the inside of your left thigh. You drank a Coke without ice and your boots are black with scuffed hot-pink soles and your Chapstick is watermelon scented and you keep losing a strand of hair from your second bun and…and…and when the moon catches your eyes, it’s like you could pull Heaven down here with just one look.”

            His words danced on her lips. It would be so easy to let her eyes slip close, let her lips come to move against his, breathe him into her soul. She wanted it. She wanted _him_. The need for him overwhelmed her, threatened to cloud her senses.

            But it was wrong. Kissing him like this, under these circumstances…she would be a monster for using him like that. Not only was he drunk, but he believed her feelings were real, he didn’t know anything about why she was really here.

            She couldn’t do that to him.

            “…you know, we should probably get you home. It’s getting late.”

            Hurt shone in his eyes. But he blinked it away, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Yeah. Fine. Let’s go.”

            As she watched him move to the car, she knew she would regret causing that hurt for the rest of her life.

* * *

          They drove home in silence, and she dropped him off and collected the key to her newly fixed-up car in equal silence. He went to bed in silence. He lay awake, thinking of the night and everything that filled his traitorous heart, in silence.

Rey had said he’d forget everything. And, for the first time, Ben hoped he _would_ forget. Forget the sting of rejection, the pain stabbing through his chest every time he thought of her turning her head away and declining his kiss.

            But the next morning, after a night of uneasy sleep and nightmares, he woke to a skull-splitting hangover headache…And the memory of his heartbreak just as fresh as the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Three! I'm so grateful so many of you have stuck with this story. I hope you love the new chapter. Let me know what you think in the comments!


	4. Chapter Four

           A week after the house party, and Ben had just begun to get over it. It shouldn’t have been hard, really. After all, he’d been rejected before. But every time he thought the wound of her refusing to kiss him had healed, something else reminded him of her, reminded him of how badly he wanted her, reminded him that, as much as he’d tried to protect himself from caring, he’d already started to let his walls down for her.

           The first reminder was her empty seat at the library. Then, after he’d quit going to the library, it was his phone that stubbornly refused to ring or light up with a notification from her. Then, his brother barged into his room, watching him study from the doorway like an annoyingly silent teacher. When Ben couldn’t stand it anymore, he flicked to the next page in his text and grumbled:

           “What do you want?”

           “Jesus, Ben, can’t a guy check on his brother every once in a while?”

           Poe’s protests were brittle, even to Ben’s ears. There was an ulterior motive here, he was sure of it. After all, his brother wasn’t like other brothers. Ben had to assume that most other siblings spent time together. Poe only ever deigned to speak to Ben when he wanted something or when he wanted to blame him for something. There was no middle ground.

           “I’m sure _some_ guys can. You aren’t one of them.”

           Ben didn’t have to glance up from his chapter on tort reform to know that his brother hadn’t even the decency to look sheepish or apologetic. Instead, he skirted around the veiled accusation and dove straight into whatever it was he’d come here to discuss. “Alright, alright. I know I haven’t been your best friend lately, but—” 

           Ben’s chest tightened at the words _best friend_. His brother hadn’t been his best friend since high school, when he’d chosen to become the family golden boy and Ben had decided he wouldn’t even try at such a fruitless, thankless task. “Can you just go ahead and get to the point? I have work to do.”

           “Yeah, I can see that.” Poe glanced down at his feet, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “I notice you aren’t working at the library lately.”

           “Nope,” Ben said, popping the _p_ sound as he struggled to drag his mind away from errant thoughts of Rey.

           “Why’s that?”

           “Why do _you_ care?”

           Poe shrugged and let himself fully into the room, helping himself to a seat at the foot of Ben’s bed. “I just thought you liked that girl you met there, the one who took you to the party. Rachel, Racine--?”

           “Rey. Her name is Rey.”

            The name rolled off of his lips like a prayer. Or a plea. Or the beginning note of a song of praise. He took a deep breath, in the hopes that it would still his racing heart. A vain hope. It just went hammering on as if it were training for a marathon.

           “Haven’t seen her around much and you haven’t been going to the library…I just started wondering what happened? She seemed to make you pretty happy.”

           “Yeah, well, I didn’t make her happy, apparently. Not that I can blame her. I made almost as big a fool of myself at that party as you make a fool of yourself every time you leave the house.”

           “Are you really mad right now that I’m worried about you? Me caring about you somehow pisses you off? Seriously?”

            Ah, there was the brother Ben knew. Impulsive. Easily offended. Too emotional. Ben kept his focus on his notes, highlighting passages from his book as he spoke.

           “You’re not worried about me. You’re worried about your social calendar and your boyfriend. Don’t pretend this is anything else.”

           “I can worry about you and my social calendar at the same time,” Poe said. Ben didn’t have a response, but out of the corner of his eye, he watched as his brother fidgeted. It was clear, even with a cursory glance, that Poe was out of sorts. “I’ve just never seen you…I don’t know. I’ve never seen you as happy, as light, as when she was around. I miss seeing that side of you, no matter what it does to my social schedule.”

           Not nearly as much as Ben missing showing that side of him. But it didn’t matter what either of them wanted. And they both needed to accept that.

            “Well, get used to disappointment. Because she’s not coming back. And neither is that side of me.”

* * *

          For the last week, a war had been raging inside of Rey’s head. Well, not a war with herself. She was firmly on one side of this war. It was Poe and Finn, who hadn’t stopped blowing up her phone with calls and texts about taking Ben out again, that she was fighting. No, her mind was made up. She wasn’t going to do it again. There was no way she could knowingly hurt Ben like that, not after she knew him. It would shatter him, if he ever found out how their relationship began.

            No matter how she felt about him now, no matter how quickly her feelings were growing for him…he’d never forgive her or look at her the same or feel the same way if he knew. And she’d never be able to forgive herself, either.

            But, if she’d learned anything from working with the guy, she knew that Poe was persistent. So, it really shouldn’t have surprised her when he showed up in the parking lot of her apartment building while she was tinkering with her car.  

           “Rey,” he called, his familiar voice following her down below the belly of the car, where she was currently working. “You haven’t been answering our messages.”

           “Keen observation,” she snarked.

           “My brother hasn’t heard from you either. “

            She’d hoped that her sarcasm would have scared Poe away. No such luck. Now, she’d have to go with the direct approach.

           “I’m not doing this anymore,” she said.

           “What do you mean? What did he do to you?”

           What had he done to her? Only been kind and funny and gracious and romantic and sexy and told her she wasn’t alone in this world. Only infinitely more than she deserved.

           She’d fixed the problem under the car long ago, but she pretended to tinker, giving herself an excuse not to resurface and face Poe head-on. She wasn’t sure she wanted him reading her expression or trying to keep one step ahead of her.

           “Nothing. But it’s not right. He doesn’t deserve to have his feelings toyed with.”

           “ _Are_ you toying with his feelings?”

            The question dangled in the air like low-hanging fruit. Rey should have known better than to take the bait, but her curiosity got the better of her.

           “What’s that supposed to mean?”

           “It’s just that you don’t seem like you’re faking it, that’s all. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you really felt something for him.”

            God, was she really so transparent? Had she really given away how she was feeling so soon, so obviously? Heat invaded her cheeks.  

           “Yeah? And so what if I do?”

           “Well, then, you’re not really toying with his feelings, are you? You’re just happening to get paid to go out with a guy you really like.”

           That was the logic of a man who paid someone to go out with his brother. Functional logic, sure, but logic Rey couldn’t force to compute. No matter how many times she ran this equation, she came up with the wrong answer.

           “I don’t think Ben would see it that way. And neither do I.”

           “I could just find someone else, you know. Someone who wouldn’t care about him, not the way that you do.”

           At that thinly veiled threat, she knew she could no longer hide beneath her car. Letting the small wheels of the back trolley carry her out from under the belly of the vehicle, she leveled her gaze up at him. A fire sparked within her at the thought of him purposefully finding someone who would be careless with Ben’s feelings.

           And…if she was being honest with herself…the fire was also sparked by jealousy at the thought of someone else falling for him.

           “Really?”

           “I would do anything for love. Anything for Finn,” Poe shrugged, his face hard. The bitter taste of blood filled Rey’s mouth.

           “Maybe you should start doing _anything_ for your brother instead.”

           “I am. Do you know how torn up he’s been since the party? You must have really broken his heart. I’m here because I want to make him feel better.”

           Rey ran the back of her hand across her forehead, no doubt leaving a smudge of grease in her wake. At least she looked as dirty as she felt. “He wanted me to kiss him. It didn’t feel right, not when he was so drunk.”

_And not when I wanted to kiss him so badly I could practically feel his lips on mine before I’d even had a chance to get close to him. Not when it would break his heart to know that it wasn’t real._

           It was an impossible scenario. Her feelings for him were real. But their relationship wasn’t. It couldn’t be, not when it was built on lies.

           “Look,” Poe said, sighing and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “There’s a ball in a couple of weeks and I’d like to take Finn. Please get my brother there. Please.”

           “I’ll think about it,” Rey said, more to get him to leave than a real agreement.

           “It would really mean a lot to him, you know, if you asked him to go. He really likes you.”

           “I know. And that’s the problem.”

           He liked her. She liked him. And if she let him sweep her off of her feet at some fancy ball, then she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep herself from falling head-over-heels in love with him.

           The problems with asking him to the ball, with even talking to him again, were too numerous to count. But with every step Poe took out of her sight, she knew she couldn’t keep herself from seeing Ben again, no matter how wrong it was.

* * *

         Ben had finally decided to show his face on campus again. Ever since he’d had to sit and watch her empty chair in the library on Sunday, he’d been watching most of his lectures through the e-portals from the laptop in his bedroom and existing on a Han Solo-approved and Leia Organa-Solo-horrifying diet of pizza rolls, boxed red wine, and dark chocolate M&M’s. But today, he’d decided it was time to face the music.

           And, failing that, at least he would get to hit things for a while.

            Since high school, Ben had been training as a swordsman, learning the finer points of combat and form. The university had one of the best teams and training facilities in the country, a place so esteemed that even the occasional movie star training for a high-fantasy adventure film would spend a few weeks learning the finer points of swordsmanship.

            He loved the way the blade felt in his hand, how it responded to his body’s whims. Unlike everywhere else in his life, in this place, he actually felt like he was in control. Today was no different.

            At least, it wasn’t any different until a small voice reached his ears.

           “Ben? Ben?”

           He nearly dropped the longsword balanced in his grip. His entire body stiffened. When he’d recovered enough, he straightened and turned to greet her. “Hello, Rey.”

           At the sight of him, her eyes widened. She opened her mouth once, then twice, without speaking. But it wasn’t until she flushed and suddenly found her feet very interesting that he realized why. He trained with his shirt off.

           The sight of him with his shirt off left her speechless…He’d be lying if he said that little fact didn’t fill his chest with pride and send a zing of energy straight to his hips.   

           “I…” She cleared her throat, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off of the delicious blush coloring her cheeks. He wondered if they’d feel as warm as they looked. His every carnal instinct told him to take off the training gloves he wore and pull her in for a kiss, but his pride kept him away. Circling the combat dummy he’d been fighting for the last half hour so he could still keep an eye on her as he worked, he went back to his forms, practicing sword-strokes as Rey continued. “I’ve been calling you for the last five minutes. Didn’t you hear me?”

           “I’m focused.”

           “I can see that.” She loosed a self-deprecating laugh. “I bet you’re pretending that target is me, aren’t you?”

           “Why on Earth would I do that? Because you rejected me and haven’t texted or called since?”

           Her flush deepened. This time, it wasn’t sexy. It made him feel guilty. Intellectually, he knew he had nothing to be guilty for. But his heart still wasn’t comfortable with the idea of hurting her, no matter how much she’d hurt him first. “Yep. That seems a good enough reason as any to hack away at an imaginary person like this. I wouldn’t blame you.”

           Sweat dripped down his face; he tossed his shaggy hair to keep it from getting in his eyes. “Why are you here?”

           “To apologize.”

           “For what?”

           “For everything. For not kissing you. And not calling. I didn’t want to take advantage of you. I _don’t_ want to take advantage of you. I thought I was doing the right thing and then I saw that it hurt your feelings and I got scared and…”

           She trailed off, her voice getting smaller with every word until he was forced to stop his exercises and focus his entire energy on her. Something about the word _scared_ set off alarm bells in his head, dangerous ones. He knew that many, many people were afraid of him. He just didn’t want Rey to be one of them.

           “Scared of what?”

           “How badly I _wanted_ to kiss you.”

           His breath and his heart caught. He struggled to keep himself impassive. “Really?”

           A small smile tugged at Rey’s lips and he found himself walking closer to her, the top of his sword dragging across the mats behind him as he approached. “Mm-hm.”

           “Do you still want to?” he heard himself ask.

           Rey’s eyelashes fluttered. Another self-conscious flush. She tilted her head down. “Yes.”

           “And that frightens you?”

           “No. Yes. I mean…” He was close enough to count her freckles now, close enough to count her breaths, close enough to count her heartbeats. And he was lost in her eyes. “Kissing you doesn’t scare me. I’m scared of how badly I want it.”

           The hurt of the last week, of her rejection and her brush-off, slipped away as the air between them grew taut and the space between them grew smaller and smaller. He wanted to kiss her. He was _going_ to kiss her.

           “Solo!” But fate had other plans. The gym’s boss screamed out from across the floor, breaking their moment. Ben’s heart sank. Rey jumped away from him, as if she’d been caught doing something scandalous indeed. “Are you going to fight or what?”

           “I’m going. I’m going,” Ben said, waving the old man off and mentally cursing him for thwarting his kiss.  

           His heart was still pounding. And it had nothing to do with the exercise he’d been doing for the last hour.

           “Look,” Rey said, the words spilling out in a rush, as if she was afraid she didn’t have the courage to finish the sentence once she’d started it. He loved being the one who flustered her, almost as much as he secretly loved being flustered _by_ her. “I really came here to ask you out again. A fresh start. A _real_ date this time, not afternoons at the library or some house party.”  

           Ben considered the proposal for a moment. Another risk of heartbreak. Another chance for her to make him vulnerable and leave him, just like so many people had before.

           But one look at her and he knew he was a goner. There was no way he was saying no.

           “I’d like that.”

           Rey’s entire face lit up. Ben felt the light from her eyes spill into the darkness surrounding his heart. “You would?”

           “Yeah.” An idea came to him. One he knew he’d have to see through. “On one condition.”

           “What’s that?”

           He smirked and offered her the hilt of his sword. “You have to beat me in a sword fight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! And a sexy fight scene in the next one... What do you think? 
> 
> Thank you all for leaving such sweet comments! My face literally hurts because of how much I was smiling replying to them all! I hope you keep enjoying the story and I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter!


	5. Chapter Five

            Ben wasn’t used to being in such closed quarters with women. Most of the ones on campus were either terrified of him or disgusted by him or delusionally attracted to his very-much-spoken-for brother, so he didn’t have a _ton_ of experience with the intense heat of lust.

 

            But just because he was inexperienced doesn’t mean he couldn’t recognize it when he felt it. And when he finally got Rey outfitted with a dull-edged practice sword and she stood in the full light of the main practice floor, he knew he wanted her.

 

            There was nothing sexier than a powerful woman. And Rey looked like a goddamn warrior goddess with her hands wrapped around that sword.

 

            Before he could think about where _else_ he wanted her hands, he readied himself in his practiced stance, and focused on the weight of his practice sword against his palms. _Don’t get an erection right now. Please, please, please play this cool._ That proved harder than ever when he thought about how beautiful, how willing she had looked when she’d brought up kissing him.  

 

            Clearing his throat, he swung his staff in a curving arc. The cool wind it created didn’t do anything to cool him off. “Have you ever used one of these before?”

 

            “A sword? No. Believe it or not they didn’t have a ton of swords in foster care.”

 

            Without his permission, his lips quirked upward. For most of their friendship or relationship or whatever you wanted to call it, she’d been one step ahead of him, always keeping him on his toes. For the first time, he _almost_ had the upper-hand on her. Or, at least, he would have the upper-hand if he wasn’t expending a tremendous amount of mental energy keeping his lust in check. “Then I’ll have to go easy on you.”

 

            Rey mimicked his stance, lowering her center of gravity and squaring up her shoulders. No matter how intense her gaze, though, her lips quirked into an adorable smile. “Was that a joke? Oh, God, who are you and what have you done to Ben ‘Scariest Man on Campus’ Solo?”

 

            “I don’t know. Maybe I’m not him when I’m fighting.”

  
            He took a step forward. She answered him with her body. It was as if they were the only two people in the world, stranded in this moment together. Ben would have sworn he could feel her heartbeat without even touching her.

 

            “And who are you when you’re fighting?”

 

            “I don’t know. A Knight. A swordsmith. A master.” It all sounded so stupid to his ears, but when this was the one place in the world where he felt in control and free. It must have sounded just as stupid to Rey, because as soon as the word _master_ passed his lips, she shuddered. “Are you afraid?”

 

            Her chin tilted up, presenting her face to him like an open book written in a language he didn’t quite understand. Her tongue dashed out and licked her lips; he didn’t miss the way her chest rose and fall quicker, a sure sign that she _was_ afraid. But of him or of the prospect of wanting to kiss him, he couldn’t begin to guess.

 

            To be honest, he was afraid, too. He didn’t know what it was to want someone like this; he didn’t know what it was to have someone want _him_ like this. Somewhere (maybe one of those stupid fighting groups he’d joined on facebook) he’d read that swordplay was like foreplay, and that thought popped into his mind now.  

 

             “Afraid of what?”

 

            “Losing,” he said, letting his lips quirk into a smile. Better to diffuse the situation with humor than give into the tingling call of his body to draw her into his arms and hold her there.  

 

            To his surprise, Rey smirked. “No.”

 

            “Why not?”

 

            “Because I can do this.”

 

            And with that, the fight began. Catching him off-guard, she pressed forward in a thundering offense, swinging her sword with wild, untrained abandoned. There was something intuitive about the way she moved her body, how she fought to counter his every defensive move.

 

            Damn. If he’d thought she was sexy before just holding that sword, it was nothing compared to now, when she was actually swinging the thing.

 

            “How did you—”

 

            “No swords in foster care,” she huffed, raising the sword above her head and going for a strike, which he barely managed to block, “but I did have to learn how to defend myself.”

 

            Like a dance, they moved across the now-empty training room floor. Crackling energy—something like anger, something like exhilaration, something like danger, something like what he imagined sex would be like—drove them in near-perfect synchronization. Move for move. Breath for breath. Heartbeat for heartbeat.

 

            “You had a hard life, didn’t you?” he asked, before he could help himself. She grunted and pushed away from him with the hilt of her sword, staggering back and up onto a nearby bench to gain the high ground.

 

            “I didn’t have sword fighting training, so I had a hard life?”

 

            “No, you had a hard life because you didn’t have sword fighting training and are somehow, almost kicking my ass.” He swallowed, trying to maintain his concentration while his heart tried to fly to her. “No one should be that good out of necessity.”

 

            For a brief, staggering moment, Rey’s movements hitched. Ben didn’t allow himself the pleasure of taking advantage of that fact, instead retreating a few steps so she would be forced to follow him away from the higher ground.

 

            But she recovered gracefully, even if her movements were untrained, and her voice lightened.

 

            She was having fun, he realized. And, with a lightning heart, he realized that so was he.  God, when had he ever felt this light, this happy before? Sparring and talking and quipping and wanting Rey…It was almost more than his heart knew how to handle.

 

            “So, is it true that one time you almost killed a guy with one of these?” Rey asked, spinning just in time to catch his blade as it swung towards her knees.

 

            “Are you trying to distract me?”

 

            “Only if it’s working.”

            Ben did his best to keep up with her fierce blows while the memory surfaced in his mind. The rumor mill had gotten ahold of that story and twisted it, just like they did with everything else. But this wasn’t one of those rumors that he was ashamed of. “I was leaving a practice here and saw the guy trying to take upskirt shots in Upton Hall. And I didn’t try to kill him. I only wanted him to bleed a little bit.” Rey sniffed a laugh, punctuated and nearly drowned out by the clash of their swords against one another. Pressing her in place, he pulled himself in closer to her until the crossed blades nearly brushed his cheeks. She was so close. “What about you? I heard a rumor that you’d do anything for a price.”

            Rey shoved away, ducking to the side to draw him out. He pursued as her footfall dragged them towards the mats lined up against the farthest wall of the gym. “If you mean that I drove for lyft, delivered pizzas, worked as a for-hire courier, fixed rich asshole’s cars, sold scrap metal and about a million other jobs to make some extra cash and save for school, then yeah. I did anything for a price.”

             Then, she spun on him, too suddenly to be an accident. Her voice was full of tension and confusion, and he only just managed to catch her sword with his own. This time, she neared him, and it was her face that loomed between their blades.

             “Where did you hear that, anyway?”

             This was his chance to win. Running his blade along hers, he used the shock of the reverberation to knock the sword out of her hand and into his, which he promptly turned on her. “I didn’t. I just made it up. You were right. Distraction _does_ work.”

            "Dammit.”

             They were in the room’s farthest corner now, and the entire gym was quiet. They had the place to themselves, and though the training floor was vast, Ben suddenly felt cloistered in tight with her, pulled into her as if the walls were closing in behind them. Slowly, he set his weapons aside and stepped closer, closer, closer to her, until she was pressed between the wall and his body.

             “You know,” he said, his voice deep and uncertain. Well, his mind and his body were in agreement— _I want this_ , _I want her_ —but his inexperience made his voice shake. “We didn’t discuss what would happen if I won, only what would happen if _you_ won.”

             Rey’s breast rose and fall in quick breaths against his own chest. Her eyes glanced down to his lips. All of his blood rushed southward.

             “And what do you want?” she asked.

             “ _This_.”

             Before he could think better of it and before he could let fear talk him out of it, he raised his gloved hands to either of her cheeks and crashed his lips into hers. For a brief, torturous moment, she froze, and he readied himself to pull away. But just as he made the attempt, she reached for him, dragging his lips back to her own and hungrily capturing him once again.

             She tasted like sweat and caramel and _hope_ , and for the first time, he let himself give in to hope. This was better than the fight they’d just gone through. That had been a synchronicity of competition, of defense and attack. A back and forth where they could never agree on the outcome.

             This time, their bodies moved _for_ each other rather than _against_. And Ben drank in her every moan and breath and inch of bare skin he could get his lips on.  

             Finally, he stepped away, afraid that if he didn’t, he was never going to learn how to stop kissing her. But he didn’t fully pull away. Instead, he tipped his forehead against hers, his heavy breath matching her own.  “Will you tell me something that’s true? No more rumors or lies or distractions. Just the truth.”

            “The truth…” Her voice was small, distant. He couldn’t quite understand why. All he understood was her tight grip against his hips. “The truth is that I really like kissing you.”

             His heart hitched. He took a step back. He’d gone to such extremes to keep anyone from liking him; the fact that _this_ someone did touched him in a part of his soul he thought he’d locked in a drawer a long time ago. “Really?”

             “Yeah. Really.” God, she was sunshine and light and beauty and she’d chosen _him_. He would never understand why, but all he knew was he was glad. So, so glad. She turned that million-watt smile on him, raising a challenging eyebrow that made him want to kiss her all over again. “But you know, I _could_ have beaten you. You didn’t win in a fair fight.”

             Ben smirked. “Best two out of three? Same wager?”

             “You’re on.”

* * *

 

            Rey didn’t regret her decision not to kiss Ben at the party. It wouldn’t have been right, with him so drunk and her so conflicted and everything the way it was. Hell, if she’d been thinking straight and not completely intoxicated by the high of fighting with him, she probably wouldn’t have agreed to the kiss they’d shared in the gym.

            But once his lips had fallen upon hers, there was no going back. He lit a spark inside her, something real and burning, and it drove every one of her actions.

            No, she might not have chosen to kiss him this morning, but now that she’d started, Rey did not ever want to stop.

            Which was how she ended up getting caught straddling Ben’s lap on the family’s porch swing by his parents.

            “Son, you _have_ a bedroom. The least you could do for the poor girl is invite her inside. She’ll catch her death out here.”

            Like a bolt of lightning splitting a too-tall tree, the voice of Leia Organa-Solo split the two fo them apart, their bodies smashing against opposite sides of the swing and leaving a generous empty space between them. In the back doorway of the house (where Rey and Ben _had_ been heading until they’d been distracted by all the kissing), Leia and Han stood, their arms crossed. Leia, for her part, looked thoroughly amused, while Han was trying desperately to pretend he _hadn’t_ just seen what he’d seen 

            “Oh! I’m…” Rey ran a hand over her lips and the other through her hair, convinced she _looked_ as if she’d been kissing all day which, of course, she had been. “I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry.”

            Leia smirked again, her dry voice carrying across the early evening air. “No need to apologize. Not to us. The boys have walked into their fair share of me and my husband making out like teenagers.”

             “This is the worst moment of my life,” Ben muttered.  

             “How’s that car of yours doing, kiddo?” Han asked, his voice pitching up, uncomfortably trying to change the subject, a conversational turn Rey happily accepted.

             “Great, sir,” she squeaked. “Thank you.”

             “Well, if she gives you any problems, you just let me know.”

             “You’re going to join us for dinner, aren’t you?” Leia asked, beginning to follow her husband into the house.

             “Nope,” Ben said, jumping up from the porch. “We’re going out.”

             “We could stay—”

            "C’mon.”

             Considering that this was the single most embarrassing moment of Rey’s entire life, she gratefully took Ben’s hand when he offered it. But they should have known Leia wasn’t going to let them go so easily. They hadn’t even made it two steps away from the house when she called to them.

             “Oh, Rey. You left something here the other day when you came to pick Ben up.”

             “I did?”

             Ben shot his mother a warning look. “No, she _didn’t_ , mom.”

             “No, I’m _sure_ she did.” Leia played dumb and waved Rey inside. “Just come on. Come back in my office, I’m sure I put it in my drawer.”

             With every step she took deeper and deeper into the house, Rey became sure of two things: one, she hadn’t left _anything_ in this place; and two: she did _not_ want to get on Leia Organa-Solo’s bad side.

            “So,” the woman asked, settling in behind the desk in her office. The intimidating space made Rey feel small, but Leia’s kind, warm eyes softened the chill in the air. “You’re serious about my son.”

            “I like him, yes,” Rey said, diplomatically.

             “He’s never brought a girl home before, and certainly not like this. You have all your shots? Been housebroken?”

             Anyone else might have been offended, but Rey knew that Leia wasn’t picking on her. She was, in her own way, welcoming her to the family. Leia only seemed to turn her humor on people she rather liked.

             Equal parts guilt and delight filled Rey’s chest. She always wanted a mother like Leia; she just wished she didn’t have to betray the woman’s son to get her.

             “I think so.”

             “He’s a good kid, my son. But a little lost. A little trapped in his own darkness. But you might just remind him how good it feels in the sunshine, you know? Be careful with him.” Leia’s eyes turned pleading, vulnerable. A rare look for her. “Please.”

             “I will.”

             “Good.” The woman’s knowing smile returned, and so did the glint in her eyes. “Because if you don’t, I have the entire campus police on speed-dial and they work for me.”

            When Rey resurfaced from the house, her mind was a sharp tangle of knots that she wasn’t sure she could untangle. Yes, she liked Ben. Yes, she was attracted to Ben. When she felt more alive and more real and less like a no one than she ever had before. But if his family was going to accept her, if he was feeling these things too…Maybe she’d gotten in too deep. 

            “Rey. Is everything alright?” Ben asked, waving to her from the porch swing, where he’d been impatiently waiting. Concern colored his gaze, and Rey ignored his summons, opting instead to start a frantic pacing.

             “You have a wonderful family, you know. They all love you very much.”

             “Don’t say that.”

             “But it’s true. Do you _know_ what I would give for a family like that?”

  
            “They expect too much of me. I could never live up to—”

             “Ben.” She grabbed his hands up in hers, and poured all of the feeling she couldn’t express verbally into the way she clutched him. He needed to know that he meant something. “You’ve never disappointed me. You won’t disappoint them either. You can only fail them if you don’t try.”

             He blinked down at her hands, as if he couldn’t believe they were really touching. “I haven’t disappointed you?”

             “Not once,” came her easy reply.

              “Well.” His lips found her knuckles. “I can’t say the same.”

             Her heart dropped. “Really?”

            “Yes, really.” Face breaking out into an unabashed smile, he brought her back into his lap once more. “Because you’re not kissing me right now. I find that _very_ disappointing.”

             And as her lips met his, she knew that this was selfish. She knew that she should leave. She knew she should have never kissed him in the first place, knowing that she could break his heart at any minute.

             But damn…She couldn’t let this feeling go. She couldn’t let Ben Solo go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kissing and feelings!!! What did you think? Please let me know what you think in a comment or with kudos! 
> 
> And since I'm still getting my feet wet with the Reylo fandom, I started a twitter for my fic writing. Follow me @ jrstarcatcher on twitter and chat with me! I'm always looking for new fandom friends!


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